Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I met the friendliest cop last night
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
