Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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