she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
