I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
