So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
