Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
