I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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