my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
