i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
