woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
