Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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