I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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