She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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