Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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