I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
