I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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