So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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