oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My feet surprised me
Randomize
