you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
