If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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