Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
