Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
