yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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