Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
