I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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