Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
