you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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