In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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