I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
