maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
