is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Semen is not good for contacts.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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