I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
