I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
