We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
