she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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