I wish I could punch you in the face.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
