he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
