is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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