seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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