Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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