I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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