Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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