i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
