Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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