he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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