I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
