I'm so fucking centered right now
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
