I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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