Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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