wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize