moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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