I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
