Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
