I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
