Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
