Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize