the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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