did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
