Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
