I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
