My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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