Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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