Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
