The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
