woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
