after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
