i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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