We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just gargled with NyQuil
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize