i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
