Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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