I'm eating all of the evidence.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
All I want is dick and wine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
