Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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