she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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